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loner1968 · 09-15-2008, 03:20 PM

Hi,
I usually post on the friends and family members board. I have been reading here and want to know how people can survive "mental health" issues. I have had depression, anxiety and ptsd for as long as I can remember. Of course it was not diagnosed early on. I also have rotten discs in my back and a roaring case of fibromyalgia. So basically I am a walking billboard for all of the "diseases" that people don't believe are real. especially if they don't have them. Sometimes...I don't really believe they are real. I go back and forth with it. So here is my dilemma:

I hate when I have to tell people I am on disability. I hate when I have to explain to people why I look like I am going to barf from the pain. I Hate when people ask me "whats wrong?" when they have known me forever. I hate that I can't keep up with life and that sometimes I can't move for days. I HATE my part time, dead end job that just keeps me more stuck than not working. I worry that people think I am lazy, irresponsible, or just stupid. BUT....I realize that if I can't accept my own issues then how will others? I grew up being taught that if you didnt hurt yourself at your job, like you didnt come home everyday half dead, that it wasn't important and you were a slug. My last boyfriend acted the same. As if he would want his woman to bust her a$$ everyday. Always told me my job was not important etc...so I have to deal with this stupid belief.

I'm just sick of it all. doctors, appointments, pain, forgetting things, explaining, telling new shrinks and therapists my story over and over again and it doesn't help me. Meds that don't work, doctors that act like THEY don't even believe me, that stupid useless PAIN SCALE with the faces on it. "yes I feel like that last one" "no you dont, that's impossible" OK jerk then you tell me how I feel" My shrink is always 15-20 minutes late for OUR appointment and then looks at his watch every 10 seconds. LAst time I was there he did this and when I walked to my car he was already at his!!!! NICE!

I'm supposed to have a counselor, was told to wait for her to call me. She never did. Then I was told she was waiting for me to call her. SO I called her. Left a message, still no call. What are people supposed to do??? How can I NOT feel like my life is a complete waste of time? I've had enough. Always going through this. Seeing my friends who are also "sick" go through this. What's the point? I can't even seem to hold down a part time job and forget ever saving for the future or anything at all. People say do something to change it. Like what? Like I haven't tried and done everything I am supposed to do? Doctors passing me off as "untreatable". disability deciding my part time job makes me gainfuly employed when I live below poverty level. I have been living like this for years and I can't imagine this being the rest of my life.

I really don't see a way out of this and it makes me more depressed.

09-15-2008, 03:20 PM	#1 (permalink)
loner1968 Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 282	How do people do this??? Hi, I usually post on the friends and family members board. I have been reading here and want to know how people can survive "mental health" issues. I have had depression, anxiety and ptsd for as long as I can remember. Of course it was not diagnosed early on. I also have rotten discs in my back and a roaring case of fibromyalgia. So basically I am a walking billboard for all of the "diseases" that people don't believe are real. especially if they don't have them. Sometimes...I don't really believe they are real. I go back and forth with it. So here is my dilemma: I hate when I have to tell people I am on disability. I hate when I have to explain to people why I look like I am going to barf from the pain. I Hate when people ask me "whats wrong?" when they have known me forever. I hate that I can't keep up with life and that sometimes I can't move for days. I HATE my part time, dead end job that just keeps me more stuck than not working. I worry that people think I am lazy, irresponsible, or just stupid. BUT....I realize that if I can't accept my own issues then how will others? I grew up being taught that if you didnt hurt yourself at your job, like you didnt come home everyday half dead, that it wasn't important and you were a slug. My last boyfriend acted the same. As if he would want his woman to bust her a$$ everyday. Always told me my job was not important etc...so I have to deal with this stupid belief. I'm just sick of it all. doctors, appointments, pain, forgetting things, explaining, telling new shrinks and therapists my story over and over again and it doesn't help me. Meds that don't work, doctors that act like THEY don't even believe me, that stupid useless PAIN SCALE with the faces on it. "yes I feel like that last one" "no you dont, that's impossible" OK jerk then you tell me how I feel" My shrink is always 15-20 minutes late for OUR appointment and then looks at his watch every 10 seconds. LAst time I was there he did this and when I walked to my car he was already at his!!!! NICE! I'm supposed to have a counselor, was told to wait for her to call me. She never did. Then I was told she was waiting for me to call her. SO I called her. Left a message, still no call. What are people supposed to do??? How can I NOT feel like my life is a complete waste of time? I've had enough. Always going through this. Seeing my friends who are also "sick" go through this. What's the point? I can't even seem to hold down a part time job and forget ever saving for the future or anything at all. People say do something to change it. Like what? Like I haven't tried and done everything I am supposed to do? Doctors passing me off as "untreatable". disability deciding my part time job makes me gainfuly employed when I live below poverty level. I have been living like this for years and I can't imagine this being the rest of my life. I really don't see a way out of this and it makes me more depressed.