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Hippy, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, or interpret what I am going to say as being insensitive to your pain. but your mum bringing this out might give you a chance to finally remove the effects of these memories. This is just my experience, After I had been off the drugs and alcohol for a couple of weeks after about a 20 year run, I had to deal with my demons that I no longer could hide from, and the raw pain without the numbness, I was so full of fear of the unknown future, and the anger of the past that I couldn't do anything about, the only emotion that I could express was total rage fueled by the hate of being what I now know as powerlessness, that consumed and controlled me. No matter who I talked to in and out of the 12 step rooms, counselors, from alcohol and drug or the VA. I couldn't mellow the rage, I wanted to use so bad just to find some peace so I wouldn't be constantly venting the pressure inside of me, at anyone and everyone who tried to help me, I just wanted to lay down, nod out, and get some rest from it. Finally a man I call a friend today from NA who had similar experiences in his life, told me what he did to release his rage from his memories, we went down in the basement and tied an old seat cushion to a beam, and told me to start thinking of what was hurting me and beat on that cushion til I couldn't even stand up any more from fatigue, a few times I tried to quit but he wouldn't let me, I had to keep doing it till I was screaming at the top of my lungs and beating on that cushion till there was no strength left to go on, He came over every day and pushed me to do this, and then go to a NA meeting, after three or four days it had subsided to a point that the hurt just wasn't there anymore, That cushion hung in the basement till I moved, as I still went down every once in awhile when life seemed like it was controlling me again, and got the anger out, but it was never that bad again. I wish you blessings, to find peace.
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