[ihatethis]

Some of you may have read my last thread, my sister attempted suicide in late July and then came to stay with me. She was supposed to stay for 2 weeks, but stayed for 7. Now she's back to work and staying with me Friday Saturday and Sunday nights and she is back tomorrow. She had a second attempt while with me after her AH called and talked about meeting a woman. Anyway, long story short I decided to make an appointment with a therapist just because I wasn't sure how I was handling this. I don't get upset or cry, I just go numb. My session ended half an hour ago and I'm posting. You won't believe the book she recommended... Co-Dependent No More. Funny how that book keeps coming up in my life. I told her I owed it but only read the first couple chapters. I had bought it because of the addict in my life, but thought I only had the one. Once I started I realized I had a couple more and it disturbed me, so I haven't picked it up since. (Ironically I don't give a s**t about my addict right now.... I've detached but not with love.) She also recommended that I write a letter I don't send. Cliche's are chiches for a reason, right? They work. So I'm going to see if I can do that.

As I started talking I thought my reasons were guilt. Guilt for handling it well. Guilt for not Form 1'ing her (for you south of the border, that's a 72 hour psyhciatric evaluation that isn't the patients idea). But the more I talked the more I realized I was angry. I feel manipulated. She knows how to kill herself if she wants to. And slitting your wrist width wise isn't it... she's told me herself of a better method (I won't post that cause you never know how sad someone is while reading). And the second attempt she took pills, but again, years ago she told me of a better method than the one she used. So that leaves me thinging, if she didn't want to kill herself, what was the motivation? Was she manipulating her AH, me... who? why? I'm mad but not in the way I am usually mad. This one just leaves me tired. I'm losing my train of thought, but my point is I am back, and those of you that PM'd me... THANK YOU! thank you for reading and caring if I was okay or not. I appreciate it more than you know.


Amy

P.S. She does seem better right now and I hope it lasts for a while at least. Also, my 17 year old cousin who has an alcohlic mother, and alcoholic and drug abusing step father called me crying and asked if he could come live with me. So he's moving in on Monday and I'm registering him in highschool here. His family is 5 hours away, so I'm it. Being responsible really sucks ass sometimes.