Hi there greysparkey, and pleased to "meet" you
I had brain surgery last Xmas, and the docs put me on Hydrocodone. I also have severe Angina, and the same docs give me the same med for it. Yup, I'm an alkie, and I'm scared witless of having my addiction get started again because of the pain meds.
The way the docs explained it to me is that there are _two_ reasons for giving pain meds. The pain, obviously, is one reason. But the other is the way the human body _responds_ to pain. In my case, my body responds by generating endorphins, which raises my heart rate and tenses up my muscles. For me and my heart condition that is a very bad thing. Pain also increases blood pressure, which increases the volume of blood in my head, which in turn increases the pain from the surgery. That starts a nasty self-feeding cycle.
What the docs have told me is that the meds _replace_ the body's natural endorphins, but without all the harmful side effects. As long as I take just enough meds to substitute for my own endorphins _and_ I am taking the meds because I really am in pain, then the addictive effect of the med is practically none. But if I start taking the meds because I _like_ the feeling, then all bets are off.
I keep my own "medical chart" where I write down _exactly_ when I take a med, how much I take, and why I take it. I keep this little notebook on the kitchen counter, where any of my AA friends can see it. Keeps me honest with _me_, helps me see just how much progress I am making, and helps me keep my docs informed of how the meds are working. I keep my sponsor informed, and I share in my meetings.
I am not a doc, so I can't tell you how those meds are going to affect the muscles around your knees, and whether that's going to have an impact on the surgery, or on your recovery afterwards. My suggestion is that you ask your doc to educate you on the need for those meds beyond just pain relief, so that you can be better informed as to the need for them. Perhaps you can take a lower dose that will not dull the pain as much, but that prevents your muscles from tightening up before and after the surgery. Maybe you can take muscle relaxers that are much less addictive. Perhaps there are other "recipes" of meds that can be helpful to you.
Modern medicine has many more options available to us other than just take pills or not take pills. Your doc can help you find those options. As far as the guilt, what works for me is the same old routine that helps me with everything else. Share alot, talk to my sponsor, and write about it. I have another "recovery tool" now, and that is sharing in this forum.
Welcome again, I'm glad you found us.
Mike