[Cynay]

Welcome to SR Norah... Im very happy to meet you. I have been away for a little while but when I stopped in and was looking around your post caught my attention.

I understand, probably better then many, what its like to fall in love with an Alcoholic/Addict.... I have been doing it all my life, therefore I also understand how much loving an Alcoholic/Addict can tear you apart and feed my own disease. Now dont take me wrong, Im not saying that a relationship can not work... Im currently in a very loving, happy and strong relationship with an Alcoholic that has 3 1/2 years sober... but I can also tell you that he could have distroyed me in the first year. He was 1 1/2 years sober when we started to date and I was his first sober relationship... he was in NO condition emotionally to be in a relationship with me and had I been in a healthier spot I would have known not to get as close to him as I did so quickly..... but I did.

I can honestly tell you that the first year was a series of breakups, confusion, pain, and working my own program with a vengence. I dont think either of us would have come through if we both did not work a serious dedicated recovery program and honestly even with all that I had to end the relationship this time last year because it just became too painful. Many people advised me that to be in this relationship was not healthy for me... and to be quite honest ... they were right in that first year.

I did end that relationship and it hurt very much.... Im happy to say that we got back together after 3 or 4 months... focused hard on our personal recovery and he went back to counceling... I also sought help outside of my recovery program and today we could not be happier....but Im fully aware it is "one day at a time" and there are not guarentees. If I had any advise to give it would be... take the focus off that relationship right now and start going to Al-anon, CoDA meetings... start working a program for yourself because if you plan to have a future with your recovering Alcoholic/Addict there is much you will need to learn... and you will need to work your own recovery and most of all learn to detach. You will have to come to the understanding that you will always come second to their recovery.... because if you came first, there would probably not be much of a relationship to have.... They have to keep that focus on recovery and it can be a very selfish program in the early years.

I wish you the very best!! and look forward to getting to know you better. Hang you and read all you can, check out some meetings and get a really good idea of how it all works before attaching your heart too deeply.