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I cut for the first time about two years ago, leaving 4 scars. Over the next year in various episodes i harmed myself in various ways. Scratching with anything sharp, shallow knife cuts (most of which didn't scar but some did) and small burns with matches/lighters.
In the last six months i started cutting more frequently - once every few weeks, once a week until one week where i cut almost every day until one time i had to go to hospital to get stitched up. That was 6 weeks ago. I would like to be able to say I haven't cut since then but its not true. The scars are still bright on my arms and legs.
Even once is enough to change you forever. It will always be there, I didn't cut again for several months after the first time but the scars were a constant reminder. When I was sober I was usually able to stop myself, but often alcohol removed the hesitations and let me act on those urges and desires to punish myself and put myself through pain.
Its not attention seeking, I know I was freaking out after the first time I cut and struggling to come to terms with why I had done that to myself. I hope everything works out for you.
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