[nandm]

Self seeking if you are a whack job then I among many others are right there with you. An example is to keep my financial aid I have to take at least 12 credits. Last term I signed up for 16, then dropped a 4 credit class the first week as I had trouble getting the books and it created too much anxiety. Then I was doing fine with the other two a biology and a marine biology class. I was even making it to the classes except for maybe 1 to 2 a month which is excellent for someone with the anxiety that I have. Then the last 4 weeks of the term I couldn't get myself to leave the house for one of the classes for nearly 2 weeks, that included the lab portion. So needless to say I was on the verge of failing as there is so much that is given in a lecture that one can not get from just reading the book. That was the biology class. Then I also was missing over half the classes on the marine biology class as the anxiety was over the roof and I would be ready to walk out the door and be so overwhelmed I couldn't open it. I once even got to the parking lot of school, and couldn't get out of my damn car and go in to the class. So I wound up withdrawing from the biology class and scraped by with a C in the marine biology. But my financial aid was cancelled because I did not complete enough classes to keep it. I was devastated.

I am fortunate though as I talked to my psychologist and we appealed the financial aid decision and they reinstated me on a probation. But I should be ok this term as all my classes are online. This PTSD, chronic anxiety, and depression sh*t really is frustrating sometimes and so many people think it is just something we should "get over". I never realized just how devastating these diseases are until I wound up in this boat.

I even have klonopin to take for the anxiety and I still missed all those classes. If I had taken enough klonopin to get me to class I would have been like a zombie and not gotten anything out of it anyway. Funny, my hands are shaking just writing this, anxiety sucks.