Over the years I struggled with a new life and many of my escapades are highlighted here as I attempt to share experience, strength and hope. Today, I have a better understanding of why I repeatedly fellow victim to my Alcoholic disease. It is obvious that I carried within, a desire to one day drink like a normal and regular person. Alcoholics are for the most part, seeking to once again drink like their fellows; enjoying beverage Alcohol without major life issues. This is where the conversation starts and ends concerning Alcoholics and Normal people. Alcoholics always want to be something they are not presently when in the grip of active Alcoholism.
For years, I believed in my most private moments, that I was not like the rest of you. Sure, I knew I had a problem while still attending AA for many years, but since I was different and rather unique there was nothing that the first three steps would not cure; one day I would drink like normal folks do, one day. I did not need the harsh examination like you folks did, I didn't need to work as hard as you folks did and I damn sure didn't need to help others like you folks did. Since I wanted to fit in, I would lip service that I had it all through the entire Twelve Step program when in fact I barely had only the first three steps and one admitted Power greater than I, the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. Over the some 25 years of being a part of AA, I never understood that I needed two Powers greater than I; the fellowship of men and women who share the common solution from a hopeless malady and the belief in a Power that transcends the frailty of man; Two Powers.
Also, the deadly lie I thrived on was twofold. 1. That one day I would drink like a normal man. 2. That I was not really that bad, not like some of you. The term bad is relative; how could one fail at living more than I had, yet living within this lie, which we know as denial, I was convinced of my place in normalcy. I was one of those men; another soul who was dying in AA. Maybe you never met me personally, but you knew many like me, because I was the guy that just didn’t get it. I failed to fully grasp the common solution and I failed to grasp the idea of Two Powers. I allowed self knowledge to propel me through life usually at your expense.
If you want to know more about Two Powers and the common solution please follow the link below to Silkworth.com and listen to two of the most respected members of AA, Charlie and Joe share their experience, strength and hope in their Big Book teaching on “There is a Solution”.
If you have an IPod, Iphone or MP3 player, download these amazing lessons and begin to learn our Basic Text like never before. These two men were instrumental in my New Life and they could be in yours.
Downloads & mp3's from silkworth.net
Ron