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I'm with NoMoMM and DSoda, I'm not so sure about giving up on your sponsor over the amends issue. Except, I wouldn't worry about the 8th-9th steps with your mother for now, but would go back to the 4th step on your relationship with her. Of course she harmed you, you didn't harm her, but there it is in the 4th step: "Resentment is the number one killer". So part one is working through how you are harming yourself with the resentment, and becoming willing to get free of it, and asking God to release you from this defect of character. With stuff done to us as children by our parents, that can take a long time -- but the time to start looking at it is now, don't endanger your own sobriety by putting it off. Once you gain some peace, once you begin to forgive her (for your own sake, not because she deserves forgiveness -- honey, if I had had to deserve God's forgiveness, I'd be dead) -- once you begin to let go of the resentment for the sake of the harm it does to yourself, you will probably eventually find that it helps you further to go and actually make amends directly with her. You will start to see that she's a sick woman, too, like any other still-suffering addict, and powerless over her insanity now and when you were a kid. Because eventually you get to the 12th step, and it might be that your witness to serenity, and your forgiveness, will be the only thing that will save that woman from her own hell. And if you withhold that, once you have become capable of giving it to her, then you will have harmed her and you really will owe her the amends.
That's just my experience, feels like strength to me, I hope it feels like hope to you.
And uh... do you have ACOA meetings where you live? Adult Children Of Alcoholics, a sub-set of Al-Anon? Highly, highly recommend it if you can find it!
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