[BayAreaPhoenix]

(((Callie)))

It's all been said above. He's talking a lot, but no plan, nothing concrete, and what he has shown you with his actions directly cancel what he SAYS. He wants to want it to be true, that he can do this himself, etc. Of course he does, staying clean and recovery take work. They take time, and right now the work and time don't look fun, they just look hard.

He doesn't have anything to live for - right now. He's lost everything. But, who knows what is out there for him if you and everyone steps back and lets him find his own way?

We all have to make our own way and make our choices thru our troubled times - addiction or not. Personally I have had many troubled times during my life, where it felt like I lost everything (that I knew anyway) - my mother (haven't had her in my life for almost 25 years!), my first home, etc. But looking back is there anything I would change? No. Everyone around me stepped back and let me find my way and I am proud of how far I have come (including coming here!). Each year and each day has been better and happier because I kept choosing to have a happier and healthier life. I didn't have a good marriage, but from that marriage I have wonderful nephews, friends and neighbors, live in a town that is my home, etc. Your AH has to do the same. IMO, he does have everything to live for. Himself, his children, his family... The list goes on and on. If he chooses to use because he doesn't live in his house, with his wife and kids and doesn't have his job, then that is his choice. If those things are important to him, he will figure out a way to get them. Right now it sounds like he is figurinig out a way to use.

Hope you are breathing deeply and have stopped shaking. I send you lots of support and strength!