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sobergirl77 · 08-11-2008, 02:30 PM

OK I said I wouldn't post here again for a while, but there is something I need to get off my chest...

I have people on here telling me that I'm trying to go about recovery the easier, softer way. I know this is a line from the big book and I understand what it means but...

What I am doing is hardly easy or soft. Let me elaborate.

I have done many things I'm supposed to do: I go to meetings every day, got a sponsor, pray pray pray, read the big book, do service work, start the steps. I spent hours and hours on the steps so far. It has been real work. I spent hours doing a Step 1-3 workbook for my first sponsor. With my second sponsor, we sat and went through the book which took hours and hours. Then we prayed together for my 3rd step.

For my 4th step, I spent hours and hours writing down my resentments, fears, praying, etc. Then I spent more hours going over it with a sponsor.

I am currently re-working my 1st step, on the suggestion of my new sponsor. This too is real, honest work on my part. I'm more than willing to do my 1st step for the 3rd time.

I give rides to people when they need it. I clean up after meetings sometimes without being asked. I go to detox meetings and/or 12 step calls when asked.

This is the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life. It is not soft in any way. It's real work. Although I have to start the steps over again, nobody can say that I haven't been doing what I'm supposed to do.

To be told by people that I'm working "my own" program, or that I'm trying to do this "the easier, softer way" makes everything all the more confusing. It discredits the real work I have done wholeheartedly in this program.

I have been told by some people that I need to surrender. Well guess what? I have, on more than one occasion. I've surrendered three times only to have it crash down on my shoulders.

I have been told by some people that I need to "be done with alcohol". Well guess what? I wanted desperately to be done the moment I walked into my first AA meeting on April 16th. Why else would I have been there? Why else would I put myself through such hell?

Is it any wonder I am so baffled?

08-11-2008, 02:30 PM	#1 (permalink)
sobergirl77 Finally Sober Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 381	The Easier Softer Way? I Think Not OK I said I wouldn't post here again for a while, but there is something I need to get off my chest... I have people on here telling me that I'm trying to go about recovery the easier, softer way. I know this is a line from the big book and I understand what it means but... What I am doing is hardly easy or soft. Let me elaborate. I have done many things I'm supposed to do: I go to meetings every day, got a sponsor, pray pray pray, read the big book, do service work, start the steps. I spent hours and hours on the steps so far. It has been real work. I spent hours doing a Step 1-3 workbook for my first sponsor. With my second sponsor, we sat and went through the book which took hours and hours. Then we prayed together for my 3rd step. For my 4th step, I spent hours and hours writing down my resentments, fears, praying, etc. Then I spent more hours going over it with a sponsor. I am currently re-working my 1st step, on the suggestion of my new sponsor. This too is real, honest work on my part. I'm more than willing to do my 1st step for the 3rd time. I give rides to people when they need it. I clean up after meetings sometimes without being asked. I go to detox meetings and/or 12 step calls when asked. This is the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life. It is not soft in any way. It's real work. Although I have to start the steps over again, nobody can say that I haven't been doing what I'm supposed to do. To be told by people that I'm working "my own" program, or that I'm trying to do this "the easier, softer way" makes everything all the more confusing. It discredits the real work I have done wholeheartedly in this program. I have been told by some people that I need to surrender. Well guess what? I have, on more than one occasion. I've surrendered three times only to have it crash down on my shoulders. I have been told by some people that I need to "be done with alcohol". Well guess what? I wanted desperately to be done the moment I walked into my first AA meeting on April 16th. Why else would I have been there? Why else would I put myself through such hell? Is it any wonder I am so baffled? __________________ I took my last drink at 9pm CST on May 24th, 2011.