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findingout · 08-08-2008, 04:09 AM

The next right thing? It will never be picking up a drink.

Sometimes, I have a difficult time with the simplicity of recovery. I want well thought out, complicated plans that address every issue I have or will have or might have and I want them today. I want iron clad guarantees, I want them in writing, and I want someone to blame when things don't turn out exactly as I think they should while leaving plenty of room for me to take all the credit for anything that does. I want no surprises but please don't trap me into a mind numbing routine. I want the benefits of a spiritual discipline without the spiritual discipline, the promises without working the steps and, by the way, I'd like to win my state's lottery without even buying a ticket.

Sometimes, I have a difficult time staying in today. There are so many things that I have to do in the next couple of months and the next couple of years and so many things that I would rather do or should do or could do that I can get lost mapping out paths though the possible futures. I also have a tendency to pick the worst possible outcome I can think of and run with it, imaging all of the even worse things that could happen if the next bad possible thing happened, and then the still worse things that could happen after that. If I keep this up long enough, I'm not only off the beam of recovery, I am not even in the same state.

I have a list of wants three times as long as your arm but what I need is to stay sober and trust the world will keep spinning and clocks will keep running without my direct intervention. My life is not unmanageable as long as the only thing I am trying to manage is me. I can do the next right thing and I can control my reactions to things which I no control over. I can hope and pray for better things for myself, for the people in my life and the larger world, but I can't always make them happen and I can't use my unmet and/or unrealistic expectations as an excuse to drink.

One day at a time. It starts with not drinking but really, it is absolutely the only way I can live my life.

08-08-2008, 04:09 AM	#6 (permalink)
findingout Not the center of the Universe Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Orchard Lake, Michigan Posts: 909	The next right thing? It will never be picking up a drink. Sometimes, I have a difficult time with the simplicity of recovery. I want well thought out, complicated plans that address every issue I have or will have or might have and I want them today. I want iron clad guarantees, I want them in writing, and I want someone to blame when things don't turn out exactly as I think they should while leaving plenty of room for me to take all the credit for anything that does. I want no surprises but please don't trap me into a mind numbing routine. I want the benefits of a spiritual discipline without the spiritual discipline, the promises without working the steps and, by the way, I'd like to win my state's lottery without even buying a ticket. Sometimes, I have a difficult time staying in today. There are so many things that I have to do in the next couple of months and the next couple of years and so many things that I would rather do or should do or could do that I can get lost mapping out paths though the possible futures. I also have a tendency to pick the worst possible outcome I can think of and run with it, imaging all of the even worse things that could happen if the next bad possible thing happened, and then the still worse things that could happen after that. If I keep this up long enough, I'm not only off the beam of recovery, I am not even in the same state. I have a list of wants three times as long as your arm but what I need is to stay sober and trust the world will keep spinning and clocks will keep running without my direct intervention. My life is not unmanageable as long as the only thing I am trying to manage is me. I can do the next right thing and I can control my reactions to things which I no control over. I can hope and pray for better things for myself, for the people in my life and the larger world, but I can't always make them happen and I can't use my unmet and/or unrealistic expectations as an excuse to drink. One day at a time. It starts with not drinking but really, it is absolutely the only way I can live my life. __________________ Yes, I am an alcoholic. But that's not all that I am...