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sct · 08-01-2008, 11:50 PM

And oddly peaceful.
I've had a lot of different things going on lately. I quit my job, because it's not really possible for me to have the kind of recovery I want and continue to work there, which means I'm currently unemployed. I've been unemployed before- when I was a junkie, and didn't have bills to pay, I just bought a car that needs probably- between a few hundred and several thousand dollars worth of work, and I have to pay my rent of 575 for a tiny studio apartment Monday. Oh, I also had to tell my po that I quit my job when one of the conditions of my parole is that I either be employed or in school. My computer is broken, and will probably need about $100 worth of repairs. My twice a week counseling for- a number of issues/disorders which are not all addiction related so I won't bother explaining here- is about $200 a week, and was covered by my health insurance at my old job. Insurance which I lose by quitting. I probably should be freaking out, and off in a haze of bp flailing and anxiety. But...

- I know this is the right thing to do. As soon as I made the decision I felt the most intense peace come over me, and it hasn't left. I don't have to lie to anyone about what I'm doing, I've learned to be honest about my struggles, and to ask for help, and I know I'm pursuing the best avenue for my overall recovery.

- I'm taking action. God gives me faith, thankfully he also gave me a savings account and people to reach out to. While I was employed, about a quarter of my paycheck went into savings, and I live really cheap. I was homeless for a long time, so just having food in my fridge, and a roof over my head is pretty awesome. I also spoke with a member of my homegroup who works for an employment agency and he gave me some good ideas about people to contact and where to start looking for a job that will pay my bills and let me continue to recover.

- I have the skills of a misspent youth to fall back on, and some of them are actually applicable to finding a job. Not the insane paranoid, scamming guys, threatening people kind of skills, but once upon a time I was a "freelance auto parts specialist," which means I know a lot about engines and body work, and welding. Turns out if you're not stealing from them- there are actual jobs where people will pay you to do those things legally. Who knew. Also means I can fix my car for the cost of parts, sans labor.

- If things get very bad, I have some friends and people close to me that I've gotten to know since getting clean, and in staying clean have managed not to **** off and/or alienate them. They all have couches which are plenty sleepable, and no matter what I don't have to use.

- My HP (no, not my computer- it's still in the shop) has the situation under control. As long as I stay calm, and keep trying to take the next right action... the next right action and the next right consequence keep happening.

So... Today is a good day. I'm grateful to be clean, and safe, and feeling pretty damn peaceful.

08-01-2008, 11:50 PM	#1 (permalink)
sct Guest Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 347	Living this step lately... And oddly peaceful. I've had a lot of different things going on lately. I quit my job, because it's not really possible for me to have the kind of recovery I want and continue to work there, which means I'm currently unemployed. I've been unemployed before- when I was a junkie, and didn't have bills to pay, I just bought a car that needs probably- between a few hundred and several thousand dollars worth of work, and I have to pay my rent of 575 for a tiny studio apartment Monday. Oh, I also had to tell my po that I quit my job when one of the conditions of my parole is that I either be employed or in school. My computer is broken, and will probably need about $100 worth of repairs. My twice a week counseling for- a number of issues/disorders which are not all addiction related so I won't bother explaining here- is about $200 a week, and was covered by my health insurance at my old job. Insurance which I lose by quitting. I probably should be freaking out, and off in a haze of bp flailing and anxiety. But... - I know this is the right thing to do. As soon as I made the decision I felt the most intense peace come over me, and it hasn't left. I don't have to lie to anyone about what I'm doing, I've learned to be honest about my struggles, and to ask for help, and I know I'm pursuing the best avenue for my overall recovery. - I'm taking action. God gives me faith, thankfully he also gave me a savings account and people to reach out to. While I was employed, about a quarter of my paycheck went into savings, and I live really cheap. I was homeless for a long time, so just having food in my fridge, and a roof over my head is pretty awesome. I also spoke with a member of my homegroup who works for an employment agency and he gave me some good ideas about people to contact and where to start looking for a job that will pay my bills and let me continue to recover. - I have the skills of a misspent youth to fall back on, and some of them are actually applicable to finding a job. Not the insane paranoid, scamming guys, threatening people kind of skills, but once upon a time I was a "freelance auto parts specialist," which means I know a lot about engines and body work, and welding. Turns out if you're not stealing from them- there are actual jobs where people will pay you to do those things legally. Who knew. Also means I can fix my car for the cost of parts, sans labor. - If things get very bad, I have some friends and people close to me that I've gotten to know since getting clean, and in staying clean have managed not to **** off and/or alienate them. They all have couches which are plenty sleepable, and no matter what I don't have to use. - My HP (no, not my computer- it's still in the shop) has the situation under control. As long as I stay calm, and keep trying to take the next right action... the next right action and the next right consequence keep happening. So... Today is a good day. I'm grateful to be clean, and safe, and feeling pretty damn peaceful.