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butterflylover · 07-28-2008, 11:51 PM

Hi everyone. I usually post on the Substance abuse forum for my Lortab dependence but I have posted here as well.

I suffer from major depression, OCD, anxiety, seperation anxiety, and Bipolar disorder...so they say. One psychologist said I have PTSD. I don't think I'm Bipolar because I NEVER have manic episodes. I also have Arthritis/joint disease in my lower back that's very painful.

I've suffered from the depression since I was a kid but wasn't diagnosed until I was 17 or 18. The OCD has been there since I was a kid as well. I obsessed that I was gonna catch HIV for a period when I was younger, I thought a serial killer that I saw on tv was going to kill me and my family, and one summer I thought a tornado was going to kill us too. This was all when I was about 6-11 years old. I'm just sooo depressed and my OCD is in FULL swing. I had a horrible childhood. My parents divorced when I was 5, my house burned down during that same year, my mom was an alcoholic, and I had to watch my mom get beat by my step-dad. I feel like I'm not normal nor will I ever be. I can be driving down the road and look at the people passing thinking "They look normal. They look happy. I bet they're enjoying life and are being carefree". Why do I do that? Am I the only one that does? I'm on disability. I've never been able to hold down a job for longer than maybe 2 years. I'd cry as I was getting ready for work, cry at work, and on my way home. I just want to be 'normal'. Whatever that may be.

I'm so sick of constantly worrying.

I wake up in a panic every morning. And when things are going good I really start obsessing. If it's going good then something bad is about to happen. I've been on at least 6-8 anti-depressants with no success. I've been to a therapist twice. I know that's what I need.

I'm not jealous of 'normal' people. I just want to be like them because they don't appear to worry as much. I want to worry about real things like money, bills, everday life, etc...not the past or the future. For instance, if my hubby or friends have something bad happen, they just go with it. Now, if the very same thing were to happen to me, I'd be obsessing till there's no end.

Okay, I've rambled enough. I just had to get that out. So, is there anyone that thinks like me, lol?

Thanks for listening

07-28-2008, 11:51 PM	#1 (permalink)
butterflylover Beautifully Awkward Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Far from where I want to be, The South Posts: 323	Am I the only one? Hi everyone. I usually post on the Substance abuse forum for my Lortab dependence but I have posted here as well. I suffer from major depression, OCD, anxiety, seperation anxiety, and Bipolar disorder...so they say. One psychologist said I have PTSD. I don't think I'm Bipolar because I NEVER have manic episodes. I also have Arthritis/joint disease in my lower back that's very painful. I've suffered from the depression since I was a kid but wasn't diagnosed until I was 17 or 18. The OCD has been there since I was a kid as well. I obsessed that I was gonna catch HIV for a period when I was younger, I thought a serial killer that I saw on tv was going to kill me and my family, and one summer I thought a tornado was going to kill us too. This was all when I was about 6-11 years old. I'm just sooo depressed and my OCD is in FULL swing. I had a horrible childhood. My parents divorced when I was 5, my house burned down during that same year, my mom was an alcoholic, and I had to watch my mom get beat by my step-dad. I feel like I'm not normal nor will I ever be. I can be driving down the road and look at the people passing thinking "They look normal. They look happy. I bet they're enjoying life and are being carefree". Why do I do that? Am I the only one that does? I'm on disability. I've never been able to hold down a job for longer than maybe 2 years. I'd cry as I was getting ready for work, cry at work, and on my way home. I just want to be 'normal'. Whatever that may be. I'm so sick of constantly worrying. I wake up in a panic every morning. And when things are going good I really start obsessing. If it's going good then something bad is about to happen. I've been on at least 6-8 anti-depressants with no success. I've been to a therapist twice. I know that's what I need. I'm not jealous of 'normal' people. I just want to be like them because they don't appear to worry as much. I want to worry about real things like money, bills, everday life, etc...not the past or the future. For instance, if my hubby or friends have something bad happen, they just go with it. Now, if the very same thing were to happen to me, I'd be obsessing till there's no end. Okay, I've rambled enough. I just had to get that out. So, is there anyone that thinks like me, lol? Thanks for listening __________________