Hey Mike
Even though my illnesses are not terminal, I can relate to what you are saying.
Since I was diagnosed I have thought alot about what happens when a person dies etc... I assume I have thought about it because getting sick has reminded me that I am just a fragile human being NOT the superwoman my head tells me I am, on a good day of course. On a bad day, I'm the bug squashed on the sole of someones shoe.
As I shared the other day, I've recently completed a 5th step and I've been sober a little while (10 years), and this time round (through the steps) my expereince has been vastly difference in the fact that I am coming to believe that sure, while I am an alcoholic, I am also a human being and that as a human being of course I have fears, pet peeves, likes and dislikes.
But the thing about being an alcoholic, is because it is a disease of the mind (thinking) my mind takes all this stuff and twists it out of proportion. Making things seem extreme, i.e I don't like something, so my mind harps on and on about and next thing I know, I've a resentment towards whatever created the thing I don't like. And it is a jump from 'dislike' to 'resentment'.
Most of the stuff on my 4th step list, my sponsor told me it was 'normal.' Being afraid my MS may turn into progressive MS, is healthy. Not living my life because of the fear I may get progressive MS, is not healthy. I can be such an extremist though, with nearly everything.
So I hear you. Faith is fear that's said it's prayers, but at the same time we don't need to be spiritual giants eh? We all have bad days and it's the learning from them that is important.
