Quote:
Originally Posted by Barbara52  Its not up to you to decide what if any treatment program she enters now is it? So let it be. She will do what she will do. |
Sigh. I know that. Thank you for reminding me. And, I did this to myself. Put myself in this "limbo land" position, even though I know it's the worst place to be. Patience. Patience. Concentrate on myself.
Having trouble today, I think, because of a conversation I had with my sister yesterday. I told her that I know my AP really loves me, and she snapped back with, "No she doesn't! She's not capable of loving you; she doesn't love herself!"
In theory, I know that what my sister says is true, but it's hard to pound it into my head when I have the day-to-day life to live and almost 18 years with my partner, who has not only told me she loves me but has proven it to me many times.
And, yet, she's proven to me many more times how much alcohol is more important to her than my feelings or our relationship. I know I'm too forgiving, I don't expect enough, and I deserve much more. That's why I'm in therapy. Third appointment this afternoon. We're going to talk about my mother, which is giving me a sinking feeling just thinking about doing that.
There's a part of me that wants to prove everyone wrong. See? She DOES love me. Isn't that sad to think of? That I allow my self-worth to be valued by whether an alcoholic becomes sober. Sheesh! Don't even tell me; I know how crazy-making that thinking is. Okay, I'll stop now.