[hippyhippy]

Thanks Jenna, (for two or four cents worth!LOL)

it helps hearing the point of view of someone who has been through similar. I am sorry, I didn't realise you had lost your present job? Or have I misread that? Concentration just now is terrible.

I suspect my boss knows what is wrong with me but doesn't want confirmation. I don't really want her to know either as I know she once said that she looked on it as a terminal illness as it helped her cope. I couldn't stand the thought of her thinking that about me. I find it hard enough thinking about the rate of suicide amongst bi polar people, without thinking someone was expecting it of me.
I understand what you mean about people finding it easier to treat people in a particular way that they maybe couldn't with a family member.

I can't avoid noise at work. I am a carer and it is my job to just deal with it. At times when I am completely well, it is ok, but at others I have like a constant buzz in my brain....it is not quite noise but it feels like it. Noise becomes magnified to me and it really is a sensory overload.

We do get a bit of help in UK. Or at least I do. It is only because I work for local government and we have the disability discrimination act, under which bi polar is covered. I am fortunate in that I get disability benefits from the government which is around £250 ($500) a month, regardless of whether I work or not. That is reviewed on an annual basis and if I become more well, they will take it away though. I also get child care benefits because I am on a low income and have a disability. Again, if I lose the disability benefits, I lose part of the child care benefits.
Also, there is obviously the free health care. I pay £50 ($100) a year for ALL my meds, regardless of what they are and how many I have. (At the mo, I am getting for this month, Lamotragine, Quetiapine, Nitrazepam and diazepam) Hospital care is free, but nowhere near as pleasant a place as it would be in US. Hospital I have just been in had 3 sinks, two wc's and one shower between 12 women. Windows that don't close, doors that bang shut so have towels wrapped round the handles to muffle them, bedding and curtains that are threadbare, staff that think checking on you once an hour will stop you comitting suicide....I made it clear to one when I was there that all I needed was little more than four minutes.......resulted in me getting practically everything I owned confiscated, furnishings that are filthy....I could really go on! In fact, when I was in there, I had cause to get up through the night and the night shift were sitting on the sofa's that are for the patients. They actually had sheets draped over them as they obviously thought they were too dirty to sit on! That really got me....too dirty for staff, but ok for the patients.
Anyway, I digress!

Part of me wants to be re deployed/fired as then I would have to take stock of my life and decide what I want to do.

thanks
Hippy
xxx