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yeah i will try to look for that chronic thread. it sounds like i would fit in there. ill be honest, even the times i was clean, i always felt like i was doing it for someone else. even tho i might have been physically clean, mentally and emotionally i was still dirty.. for lack of a better word. i will be honest, even right now i am unsure of my reasoning for trying to get clean. i feel like that is bad but all i know is it is progressively getting worse over the years, and is almost getting worse by the day now. and its scares me so much. i want so bad to keep the little i have left.
if being scared is what pushes me to begin the path to sobreity, then so be it.
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