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I found something today. I found some reason amidst the madness. Uneasiness had crept into my world, that feeling of separation, like I was drifting away. It’s quite easy to tell when I’m at odds with the world around me; being an alcoholic I have the blessing of an unquestionable red flag. My favorite solution to discomfort is alcohol. When I begin to think a drink doesn’t sound too bad, after all I’ve been through, I know I’ve got something inside that I need to work out, some unresolved issue that won’t let me be at peace.

It was terribly hot this week and after work for a couple of days in a row, my mind began to reminisce about all the great times I’d had with my old friends in my old haunts. Of course I never remember all the bad times or experiences, or where I ended up just a few short years ago. My mind doesn’t work that way. The memories are all warm and fuzzy and if I let them, my memories will trap me into the obsession of a drink.

Luckily I was able to follow the direction of people like me in the program of AA. Those directions include, first and foremost, don’t drink. Second, reach out to other alcoholics and don’t hide from yourself, if you’re struggling, ask for help. I did that last night. I wanted to know why I was thinking about drinking alcohol. After all, I’ve been working the program of AA for a few 24 hours now; I haven’t had the thought of picking up in quite some time. How can I be back where I was? That’s not progress! What’s going on here!!

I found out I’m not alone; thinking of drinking is, for some of us, part of recovery. Alcoholics think about drinking, ground breaking material there I know, but how could I have gotten myself all twisted up to where I’d temporarily forgotten what seemed self evident only weeks ago?

The advice from friends in the meeting last night has me focusing on the problem…ME and focusing on the solution…CHANGING ME.

Back to step four…..thank God!!!