Sometimes Karen, it's not about getting rid of a defect, it's about changing it into an asset.
Let me explain, I found that my stubbornness and bullheadedness was a definite defect.
However, when I turned it into tenacity, to ie finish what I start, it becomes an asset.
When I take my selfishness and use it "to do anything" to stay sober and clean, I found myself at first 'being of service' (as an example) so I could stay sober. That selfishness over time turned into a caring and concern for others I didn't know was possible.
As to Step 9. "Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others."
I have found, when I am suppose to make an amend, when the time is or was right, the resentments are gone. I am able to make my amends for only WHAT I DID.
Sounds to me like you have some resentments to deal with first. 99.999999999% of resentments come from our EXPECTATIONS OF OTHERS.
Like my sponsor and her hubby used to say: "What did he/she/it/they NOT do, when I wanted he/she/it/they to do, to make ME MORE COMFORTABLE?"
Well dang when I looked at it that way..........................................shees h how could I expect others to do what I didn't always do? So............................................it became time to pray for the person for 14 DAYS. 14 Days I asked. Yep 14 days. And if I missed a day.......................................I had to start over.
Well, I don't know about anyone else, but after having to start those 14 days over a few times and usually it was after day 11 or 12, somehow, the resentment was gone. Yep, even the BIG ones I had about my MOTHER and the smaller ones I had about my FATHER.
So...............................IMHO before you can make amends to your dad, it seems that you have to clear your resentments first.
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I keep wanting to say ..you did this so I did that.
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The Big Book explains how we make NO MENTION of what or what not the person did, only our part, our actions. We make our amends sincerely, EXPECTING NOTHING from the other person.
Hope that helps in some small way.
Love and hugs,