well my addiction started young first swiping booze from the parents and then since i have never looked my age found out i could get served at bars at the age of 14. Ended up getting married at 15..so to support a family i turned to dealing. picked up a good habit. Got a divorce for my 18th bday hooked up with a stripper and hit the road. Picked up some felonies, looking at some good time..a guy showed up in court told the judge he was from a thing called t.a.s.c. treatment alternatives to street crime and thought i was a good candidate. 10 yr deferred sentence..go to treatment, couple weeks in they find my stash in the ceiling...didn't confront me with it. after 3 days i asked wtf i know you got my stash..they asked me why i was still there, they heard i was a runner. Told em i was tired of running, they let me stay. when i got out went to a halfway house and started hitting meetings. got my first taste of NA only 2 meetings in the whole state back then and i was lucky enough to be in a city with one..i knew i had found my home. Got my yr moved..no NA. picked up again and was off and running
few yrs down the road..met the love of my life had a son started gettin my ducks in a row. a couple of my closest running partners got out of prison we hooked up...yea you guessed it..off and running. Ended up losing everything and everyone. back locked up. looking at time again. When they caught up with me I was in sorry shape..track marks, hadn't slept for a while, amphetamine induced psychosis i think they called it. Was given another chance. got clean back to NA this was the yr our basic text was fist published. NA had grown and was sprouting up everywhere. Once again..I was home. Became a service junkie..we started doing prison meetings..My God what a blessing those were. After about 5yrs clean got my family back. Could not believe the blessings this way off life were giving to me. Had everything I had lost back.
So what do I do...start to forget what had brought me these blessings, that's what this addict does. Started to cut out service work..go to fewer meetings, stop hanging with people in recovery. So with around 9yrs clean I decide it will be different this time..I know how to handle it now, I pick up, phuk!!! once again I lose everything and everyone. Load up a syringe with what I'm sure is fatal dose..put it in my arm felt it headin up my neck and was ready..but God said no..not your time. I knew I had to do something, I was suicidal and homicidal..i new if i didn't do something now someone was going to die..pretty much forced my way into treatment I needed a place where i was safe from ME..go to my old home group was met with so much joy and love. People told me how they had been praying i would live long enough to come back in the doors. One of the old timers ended by saying, Don't keep coming back..This time STAY..this old biker cried.
as i read the latest addition of the basic text I came across a paragraph that said surrender means not having to fight anymore..this biker cried. I have been fighting my whole life and I'm DONE. I had never bent my knees to anyone or anything...I got on my knees, not out of any religious belief but as a sign of surrender. I have never felt such a relief in my life. My long suffering wife got clean and took me back. We both are responsible for our recovery and life is good we both have over 7yrs BUT i will not EVER let my guard down again..I know why i have these blessings in my life!!!!!! Thanks to the GOD of MY understanding and the program of NA just for today I never have to use again...sorry to get a little long. But you asked
