[findingout]

One of my home groups is named "We didn't quit, we surrendered" and I was not fond of that when I started. The language in our culture suggests that disease and other problems are something we must struggle mightily to overcome. Many books have been written about battles with cancer and other diseases and of course in the U.S., we like to declare "war" on all sorts of things: poverty, drugs, obesity. How can I win the "war" if I surrender? I felt like saying "I surrender" meant that I was giving up without a fight, too weak to make the effort required to beat this disease and destined to die from it no matter what. I've changed my mind about this.

I surrendered twice in recovery. First, I surrendered the idea that I was ever going to be able to drink like a non-alcoholic and I stopped trying to prove I wasn't an alcoholic by drinking. Second, I surrendered the idea that I could stay sober all by myself. Without a higher power and other people in recovery, I'd be drinking. This was harder. I hated to admit that I could not stay sober without help. I didn't want to show that kind of weakness to other people because it was totally against the illusion of a self-reliant person I had desperately tried to maintain. In truth, the harder I fought to hold on, the farther away I got from the solution.

Surrender to win.