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kmsj75 · 07-13-2008, 08:33 PM

Hi, All!

I have been clean for 3 years next month. I've had my share of med. problems, everything from fibro to Lyme Disease. I have had IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome) since I was 19. Symptoms are different for everyone, but for me, it is debilitating pain. When it's really bad, it's like being in labor (been there twice!) It has put me in and out of the hospital and at 19 I was told to reduce stress and to take Xanax. I became addicted to benzos and opiods trying to fight the pain and anxiety.

I can go months with no symptoms, then a year with them, etc. Last year, it flared up and I have tried everything to get it under control. Diet changes, herbs, non-narcotic rx's, etc. They want me to reduce stress, but up until 6 months ago I was a single mom of 2 kids who worked as an elementary teacher. Changing jobs isn't really an option right now, as I actually make a decent living- at least more than I could in a beginning position somewhere else.

Hence, my problem now. My doctor is well aware of my addiction and knows I'm very active in recovery. However, everything else has not worked, and I can't just not show up for school on the days that I don't feel well. He prescribed Bellamine-S which is a combination drug- an anti-spasm drug with phenobarbital. He and I talked a long time about it, and it's a very low dose. He only gave me 15 for a month, and told me only to take it when it's really bad.

Ok- here's where I need some experience-

I have only taken it twice since having filled it 2 months ago. My sponsor and my husband (who is a recovering alcoholic) know about it, and I always tell my husband if I take it.

My sponsor thinks that just because we are addicts doesn't mean that we don't have the same right to pain relief as "normies." She thinks it is not necessary for me to suffer on a day to day basis, but that I have to stay gut honest with myself and know my motives when taking it.

It scares me when I take it- because it works SO well! I know I'm taking it for medical purposes, but in a way it still feels like i am using. I recently quit smoking for the same reason- for me, I had reached a point where cigs were my last drug, and I wanted to be completely clean.

I'm torn- it works, and I have to be able to work/play mommy, but at the same time, I feel guilty because I get that " relaxed" feeling.

Any advice?

Thanks!!
K

07-13-2008, 08:33 PM	#1 (permalink)
kmsj75 Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: houston, tx Posts: 42	Experience needed Hi, All! I have been clean for 3 years next month. I've had my share of med. problems, everything from fibro to Lyme Disease. I have had IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome) since I was 19. Symptoms are different for everyone, but for me, it is debilitating pain. When it's really bad, it's like being in labor (been there twice!) It has put me in and out of the hospital and at 19 I was told to reduce stress and to take Xanax. I became addicted to benzos and opiods trying to fight the pain and anxiety. I can go months with no symptoms, then a year with them, etc. Last year, it flared up and I have tried everything to get it under control. Diet changes, herbs, non-narcotic rx's, etc. They want me to reduce stress, but up until 6 months ago I was a single mom of 2 kids who worked as an elementary teacher. Changing jobs isn't really an option right now, as I actually make a decent living- at least more than I could in a beginning position somewhere else. Hence, my problem now. My doctor is well aware of my addiction and knows I'm very active in recovery. However, everything else has not worked, and I can't just not show up for school on the days that I don't feel well. He prescribed Bellamine-S which is a combination drug- an anti-spasm drug with phenobarbital. He and I talked a long time about it, and it's a very low dose. He only gave me 15 for a month, and told me only to take it when it's really bad. Ok- here's where I need some experience- I have only taken it twice since having filled it 2 months ago. My sponsor and my husband (who is a recovering alcoholic) know about it, and I always tell my husband if I take it. My sponsor thinks that just because we are addicts doesn't mean that we don't have the same right to pain relief as "normies." She thinks it is not necessary for me to suffer on a day to day basis, but that I have to stay gut honest with myself and know my motives when taking it. It scares me when I take it- because it works SO well! I know I'm taking it for medical purposes, but in a way it still feels like i am using. I recently quit smoking for the same reason- for me, I had reached a point where cigs were my last drug, and I wanted to be completely clean. I'm torn- it works, and I have to be able to work/play mommy, but at the same time, I feel guilty because I get that " relaxed" feeling. Any advice? Thanks!! K