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SistersHelp · 07-13-2008, 11:07 AM

My sister, a narcotics addict, was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder many years ago. Her case is quite severe; she is emotionally unstable and unpredictable, and highly impulsive. She has episodes of acute paranoia and has made some hideous (false) accusations against family members of abuse in the past. I have read and read and read about this disorder as well as addiction, and find the literature contradictory in some ways.

Until recently, my sister and I have had a somewhat close relationship. Although I have always had to spend a LOT of time talking her off various emotional ledges, she has trusted me, at least to some degree, in the past. She has been of the opinion that our parents are evil people who are toxic and abusive. (Just to be clear, my parents were strict but NOT abusive. They definitely lost their patience with her at times throughout her childhood but their actions, like forcing her into inpatient care, and even eventually kicking her out of the house, were done with love and for good reason.)

I've spent a lot of time trying to help her see that they love her and that their reasons for the things they do ARE based in trying to help her. (For example, although she is 30 they have supported her for her entire life but recently they decided not to give her any more cash money, only specific items like food and clothing that she needs.)

She still sees them as evil. When she entered rehab in mid-June, suddenly she seems to have decided that I am evil too. She has been absolutely paranoid about me turning her daughter, who is living with me, against her.

On Sunday we had a horrible scene at the rehab centre. My sister asked me for cigarette money and I told her no. She was crying in front of her daughter and accusing me of having no compassion, of doing nothing to support her efforts (in spite of the fact we'd arrived with all kinds of gifts and that I am trying to raise her daughter!). A little while later she took her daughter into her bedroom at the rehab centre and I heard them whispering. Her daughter (11), bless her heart, was offering to give her mother her allowance money and her mother said she would take it.

Then, because the wallet was in my car, they came out of the bedroom and made some excuses to try and get me to let them in the car without coming with them. I came along with them to prevent this money exchange from happening, and watched the eye-contact conversation going on between them. Then my sister asked her daughter if she had a new wallet and if she could see it. I know I should have found a better way to deal with this, but I just said, "Nice try, you're not getting her allowance," and shut the car door. At that point my sister began another hysterical episode, this time in front of all the staff and patients at the rehab centre, bemoaning how she could be burdened with such a terrible family, one that would accuse her of doing something so horrible. She was crying and carrying on and saying things like, "See? Here I am trying to change my life and THIS is how my family supports me, with false accusations that I would steal from my own child!" The scariest part was that as I was watching this drama unfold I was thinking, if I was any one of these people watching, I would believe my sister was telling the truth. If I hadn't heard it with my own ears, I would doubt myself. She's an absolutely brilliant actress.

So obviously what's going on here is a combination of the addiction and a mental illness. I can't seem to figure out where one ends and the other begins.

I'm just wondering (and venting, sorry) if there's anyone out there who has any first hand experience with BPD and can offer me any hope for improvement.

07-13-2008, 11:07 AM	#1 (permalink)
SistersHelp Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Vancouver, BC Posts: 568	Borderline Personality Disorder and addiction My sister, a narcotics addict, was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder many years ago. Her case is quite severe; she is emotionally unstable and unpredictable, and highly impulsive. She has episodes of acute paranoia and has made some hideous (false) accusations against family members of abuse in the past. I have read and read and read about this disorder as well as addiction, and find the literature contradictory in some ways. Until recently, my sister and I have had a somewhat close relationship. Although I have always had to spend a LOT of time talking her off various emotional ledges, she has trusted me, at least to some degree, in the past. She has been of the opinion that our parents are evil people who are toxic and abusive. (Just to be clear, my parents were strict but NOT abusive. They definitely lost their patience with her at times throughout her childhood but their actions, like forcing her into inpatient care, and even eventually kicking her out of the house, were done with love and for good reason.) I've spent a lot of time trying to help her see that they love her and that their reasons for the things they do ARE based in trying to help her. (For example, although she is 30 they have supported her for her entire life but recently they decided not to give her any more cash money, only specific items like food and clothing that she needs.) She still sees them as evil. When she entered rehab in mid-June, suddenly she seems to have decided that I am evil too. She has been absolutely paranoid about me turning her daughter, who is living with me, against her. On Sunday we had a horrible scene at the rehab centre. My sister asked me for cigarette money and I told her no. She was crying in front of her daughter and accusing me of having no compassion, of doing nothing to support her efforts (in spite of the fact we'd arrived with all kinds of gifts and that I am trying to raise her daughter!). A little while later she took her daughter into her bedroom at the rehab centre and I heard them whispering. Her daughter (11), bless her heart, was offering to give her mother her allowance money and her mother said she would take it. Then, because the wallet was in my car, they came out of the bedroom and made some excuses to try and get me to let them in the car without coming with them. I came along with them to prevent this money exchange from happening, and watched the eye-contact conversation going on between them. Then my sister asked her daughter if she had a new wallet and if she could see it. I know I should have found a better way to deal with this, but I just said, "Nice try, you're not getting her allowance," and shut the car door. At that point my sister began another hysterical episode, this time in front of all the staff and patients at the rehab centre, bemoaning how she could be burdened with such a terrible family, one that would accuse her of doing something so horrible. She was crying and carrying on and saying things like, "See? Here I am trying to change my life and THIS is how my family supports me, with false accusations that I would steal from my own child!" The scariest part was that as I was watching this drama unfold I was thinking, if I was any one of these people watching, I would believe my sister was telling the truth. If I hadn't heard it with my own ears, I would doubt myself. She's an absolutely brilliant actress. So obviously what's going on here is a combination of the addiction and a mental illness. I can't seem to figure out where one ends and the other begins. I'm just wondering (and venting, sorry) if there's anyone out there who has any first hand experience with BPD and can offer me any hope for improvement.