[Paulos]

Hi everybody. How's it going. As you know I'm an alcoholic but I'm done with the stuff due to what it's done to my life for nearly 3 years, you know I'm the complainer of panic disorder/depression/fears/etc... been here since January 2007. DO NOT FORGET PLEASE I AM ALSO AUTISTIC *22 years old* so I am not a usual person.

Anyway, I've been cutting all the bad stuff out of my life, you know trying to get SOBER and aware of life... and I've had occasional boosts of being like my old better self *which wasn't exactly always better when it came to normal things* but I feel happier sometimes with that and hope things happen to improve it.

I mean darn I wasn't off booze 28 days straight for like 3 years only a few times then I always went back to it, never giving myself enough time to rebuild my brain and such... also since 2007 I was going to a doctor who was only loading me on medications such as Prozac, Lamictal, Seroquel, Risperdal and such... and I am finally off a very tough drug to kick an anti physchotic called LAMICTAL, 46 days off it... and 26 days off booze also so I'm finally getting things straight... but there's one thing that worries me greatly still other than my usual PARANOIAS... my MEMORY issues.

Short term memory I know can occur during Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome which I think I have, and long term memory problems when you're going through recovery and such, but I am also on one final drug that I don't know how I would live without... XANAX, a Benzo drug.

I'm currently on 3mg of it a day and some of the side effects are "complete memory loss, (amnesia) and concentration problems " I got that from a side effect list, but I'm also feeling speech troubles sometimes, memory loss as in not remembering dates of certain things or short term memory such as what did I just do I just forgot that type of stuff, and concentration sometimes can be tough for me...

Now I don't know if it's the PAWS because the PAWS does have those two same side effects, or they're both piling up, and I'm also a severe OCD person regarding my issues/mental brain always thinking I have brain damage and so on, which a lot of this exploded the first time I went through alcohol withdrawal. To those who know me on this site this is not new news, all I'm saying is... you know I'm not sure what I'm actually asking... all I know is I'm off the booze and medications, except for Xanax, which as I understand the higher the dosage the more side effects you will have. Any advice/ideas about my situation? Example even though this is kind of an OCD thing, I can't remember what I did the first moment I got up out of bed, which drives me crazy when I used to be able to remember more things... well, thank you.