[ladyamalthea]

Mark,

First of all, welcome to SR! This is a safe place. You don't have to worry about being judged here... we care for each other as we are, and try to build each other up.

While I can't say that I have felt your exact situation, I have my own skeletons in the closet. I've thought some pretty rough things myself; but it was more about ways I could kill myself, rather than someone else.

Please don't let the fact that the doctors are unfamilair with others with your problem bring you down. You're clearly doing a great job of keeping things under control, right? Besides, mental health problems come in all shapes and sizes; I'm not convinced that even two people with the same condition can say they have the exact same experiences, because we all come from different backgrounds, have different life experiences, and cope with different things in different ways.

If it makes you feel any better, doctors tend to think I'm crazy too, because I tell them that I'm addicted to the food I eat. If it was just a craving, I could ignore it. But it's not, and they don't normally get that. I finally found a doctor who does not look at me like I'm crazy when I talk about it.

No matter what life has in store for you, please know that you have friends here. I'm sure others will follow my response, and I hope that you'll stick around for a while and do some exploring.

Nice to meet you!