|
I was just this way with opiates. I would start to feel high just going out to buy them. My brain was on this whole other plane that began when my quest for drugs (every day after work) would begin.
I would be high and happy while buying, using, running around the house cleaning under the influence (that's what opiates do to me, they make me clean manically and happily).
Then I'd come down and be miserable. Disgusted with myself and my DOC and everyone around me. Yell at kids for messing up newly cleaned house. Scream at addict b/f for "doing this to me" (yeah, I know now that it was my fault, he was just an enabler). Be disgusted about spending money on that stuff.
Then the next morning, I'd get up, sore and hurting, and do my "wakeup" (amount opiate users commonly save for the next day to get them out of bed and to work, or wherever). Go to work, feeling the excitement build all day until I could leave and get my "stuff" again, the highpoint of my day, every day.
Then repeat, over and over. I couldn't get past it, until I got to NA.
KJ
|