SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post - Co-parenting with an alcoholic ex

anvilhead · 07-08-2008, 04:20 PM

i too divorced and then co-parented with my daughter's dad...it would have been hard to pick which one of us had the more telling drug/alcohol issues - that was back in the day, ya know, early 80's, everybody was f'd up.......but i digress...

brian and i crafted our own parenting plan, using the basic architecture found in any do it yourself divorce package...we agreed that while we were no longer husband and wife, we would ALWAYS be mom and dad, and it was time to grow up and act like adults and get about the business of raising our kid.

we agreed to live in proximity to each other and her school, so that the to'ing and fro'ing would be easier on everybody. thus i never lived more than maybe 3 miles from him. for over 20 years....

we agreed that neither parent could/would leave the state without consulting and getting permission from the other first.

we remained cordial, good friends actually.....our primary purpose was Renee...but we were there for each other as well.

early on Brian struggled with the idea of me getting another man in my life and having him become DADDY...i vowed that Renee would never call another man Father, nor would anyone else intefere with our parenting relationship. so when i did get involved again i told the "new" man - look couple things you need to know about me...one i have a kid and she is the most important person on the planet. best you will get is #2.
two, she has a dad and together we will do the parenting. i do not need you or want you to take over any of that responsibility. if you have problems with my child's behavior, you come to me and i'll deal.

renee never called brian's g/f mom either. we protected our JOBS fiercely. we attended sporting events, recitals, school plays, parent teacher conferences together. we spoke on the phone often.....as someone was always having to pick her up or drop her off for some dang thing, or somebody had to find the missing soccer sock for the game. we alternated weeks, so nobody owed anybody anything. while we did have different parenting styles, we had pretty much the same boundaries. we were over protective. we remembered each other's birthdays. he gave renee his seats at the baseball game so she could take me for mother's day....

see it wasn't about US, it was about HER. once that was agreed upon all else fell into place.....

07-08-2008, 04:20 PM	#4 (permalink)
anvilhead Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 10,007	i too divorced and then co-parented with my daughter's dad...it would have been hard to pick which one of us had the more telling drug/alcohol issues - that was back in the day, ya know, early 80's, everybody was f'd up.......but i digress... brian and i crafted our own parenting plan, using the basic architecture found in any do it yourself divorce package...we agreed that while we were no longer husband and wife, we would ALWAYS be mom and dad, and it was time to grow up and act like adults and get about the business of raising our kid. we agreed to live in proximity to each other and her school, so that the to'ing and fro'ing would be easier on everybody. thus i never lived more than maybe 3 miles from him. for over 20 years.... we agreed that neither parent could/would leave the state without consulting and getting permission from the other first. we remained cordial, good friends actually.....our primary purpose was Renee...but we were there for each other as well. early on Brian struggled with the idea of me getting another man in my life and having him become DADDY...i vowed that Renee would never call another man Father, nor would anyone else intefere with our parenting relationship. so when i did get involved again i told the "new" man - look couple things you need to know about me...one i have a kid and she is the most important person on the planet. best you will get is #2. two, she has a dad and together we will do the parenting. i do not need you or want you to take over any of that responsibility. if you have problems with my child's behavior, you come to me and i'll deal. renee never called brian's g/f mom either. we protected our JOBS fiercely. we attended sporting events, recitals, school plays, parent teacher conferences together. we spoke on the phone often.....as someone was always having to pick her up or drop her off for some dang thing, or somebody had to find the missing soccer sock for the game. we alternated weeks, so nobody owed anybody anything. while we did have different parenting styles, we had pretty much the same boundaries. we were over protective. we remembered each other's birthdays. he gave renee his seats at the baseball game so she could take me for mother's day.... see it wasn't about US, it was about HER. once that was agreed upon all else fell into place.....