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I am co-parenting with a RAH and the only thing that has been stressed to me by my Al-Anon ladies is that we stand together when talking to the kids, if even not going as far as touching each other so that we appear to be one.
We try to discuss in private the decissions that are to be made. WE don't do the ask mom/ask dad thing.
My situation is different of yours because I am still living with my husband.
The important thing here is the kids are already damaged, concentrate on doing no more.
Don't bad mouth the ex, if you have to make the rule what goes on at mommy's house is mommys' business. What goes on at daddy's is daddy's business. Don't get caught up in his life when it's not yours to get in. Make your children a priority, but most importantly don't buy their love. They are not stupid and someday they will regret/resent it.
To coexist in raising your children you need to keep a "working" relationship with him. When your tense around him the kids will sense it and it sets the mode.
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