[nandm]

Welcome.

Although when we are going through something like you are going through it is easy to feel like we are all alone. When in fact, most people have been right where you are now. I have been there. I have always had a lot of aquaintences but it is really hard to find true friends. The 20 years I spent drinking I can only count on less than one hand the number of true friends I had. Today, after over 7 years of recovery, I truly appreciate the number of true friends I have. I think there are several factors involved in why the number has changed. Here is a list of the things that helped me.

• I started reading positive things each day. There are several books by Melody Beatte that are a great way to start a day. "One is Co-dependent no more"
• I started listening to what I was telling myself; In other words when I would get frustrated with myself over something and my mind would think something like "its no wonder that didn't work out you are stupid and lazy" I would immediately rephrase what my head said into something positive such as "that did not work out this time and these are the things I can do that might help change that." In other words stop playing the blame me game in my head
• I started listening to a set of CD's called "The Power of Positive Thinking"
• What we think of ourselves come across no matter how hard we try to hide it. If we don't think we are good enough that shows through.
• Stop being so hard on you. So you are a little overweight, who isn't these days? If that is something you don't like about you there are ways you can start changing it. Start out with setting aside 20 or 30 minutes a day to walk around your neighborhood. This not only helps because it is exercise but also gives you the opportunity to get to know other people around you.
• Make a list of your assets and liabilities. In other words what are the things you like best about you and what are the things you would like to change. Then pick one thing each week to work on to change.
• This list is really about changing how we percieve ourselves so we can change how others percieve us.

By working on what I could and can change, which is me, I have found that true friends have come into my life even though I was no longer actively seeking them. I believe this can happen for you. Hang in their, don't be so hard on yourself, and start changing you. If you can like you enough to want to be your own friend then you are ready to be a friend to others.

I am glad you posted, you made me truly think about this subject and I needed the reminder.