[ladyamalthea]

Seriously... what is wrong with me???

I've always had a hard time with friendships... for one reason or another, people seem to come and go from my life pretty regularly. I can honestly say that I've never had a real best friend before. Sure, my husband has plenty of friends. We see them every Friday night. Me, on the other hand... apparently I bore people that much, or they hate hanging out with me because I'm so big, or something... I don't know.

I thought that was all starting to change when we moved into our house back in October. There are two other young women who are close in age to me. The two of them were already pretty good friends, but I seemed to be fitting in alright with them. It got to the point where we were all spending time together on a regular basis, even if it was just hanging out in someone's front yard (both of their houses are across from mine). But now, for whatever reason, I'm finding myself being shunned again.

They invited me to go out Saturday night, and I couldn't go. So, I texted both of them Sunday afternoon, asking how things went. No response. Then I found out today that my husband is hanging out with the guys this weekend. No problem, even if I do spend the evening alone. But, just to see what I coudln't get started, I text them to see what they're doing. No response from one, the other is conveniently busy.

Somebody please tell me I'm paranoid... I thought I was becoming friends with these girls, but now I feel like they're plotting how to weed me out of their social lives.

And I realize this all sounds kinda high schoolish... I feel kinda silly saying all of it. You guys here are great; but I've never really had that many friends that I could hang out with and feel comfortable... not even in high school... and it kinda hurts that my husband has all these friends who want to spend time with him, and I'm always just kinda along for the ride. It's like I just have nothing at all going for me anymore... I'm fat, I hate the way I look, my health has gone to ****, and no one seems to want to be around me. I could understand if I was acting depressed, but I'm generally pretty good at putting on a front and being friendly.

Am I going crazy???