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SoosieQ · 07-04-2008, 01:53 PM

Hi all~
I am going to rant a little here, just to give you a heads up.

I am so tired of feeling this way. Even when I am not self-medicating, I can't count on myself to be consistent. Everyone has up and down days, I know. But months on end of debilitating depression, followed by anxious highs? I thought I was getting better last year. A friend of mine suggested that nothing was working out because I was always "too nervous". Ugghh!!!

I never was a big fan of the typical American lifestyle (i.e. 9-5 jobs, timecards, 401k's, retirement, etc.), but you'd think it could be better than this. A little stability, peace, etc. would be such a great thing. It would be extra fantastic if I could count on myself to be stable enough to help others, volunteer, do something useful if this world.

I have no real reason to complain. I just seem to attract drama, especially when I am focused on drama-free living-lol. I've been trying to get sober and detox this last week, but am having a hard time doing so. I just hit such a wall in my last sobriety when I felt like things would never move fluidly, no matter how much effort I put into making things work out.

I've been trying to be more honest lately about my psych/ physiological issues, just like announcing you are an addict/ alcoholic in meetings, but I find that doing that just makes all the so-called "normal" people view you through a biased lens. All of a sudden, every traumatic thing that happens is because you are bi-polar, an addict, etc.

I know that I sound like I am whining. It is not so much a whine, as a desperate cry for help. I truly want to find a thread to pull myself out of this harsh place, but I am getting so discouraged by the "mental health" aspect of it all. So many times, I have shown up with a hopeful face (and heart), ready to try again, only to crash again 6 months later.

Thanks for listening.

07-04-2008, 01:53 PM	#1 (permalink)
SoosieQ Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: CA Posts: 357	feeling stinkin' crazy Hi all~ I am going to rant a little here, just to give you a heads up. I am so tired of feeling this way. Even when I am not self-medicating, I can't count on myself to be consistent. Everyone has up and down days, I know. But months on end of debilitating depression, followed by anxious highs? I thought I was getting better last year. A friend of mine suggested that nothing was working out because I was always "too nervous". Ugghh!!! I never was a big fan of the typical American lifestyle (i.e. 9-5 jobs, timecards, 401k's, retirement, etc.), but you'd think it could be better than this. A little stability, peace, etc. would be such a great thing. It would be extra fantastic if I could count on myself to be stable enough to help others, volunteer, do something useful if this world. I have no real reason to complain. I just seem to attract drama, especially when I am focused on drama-free living-lol. I've been trying to get sober and detox this last week, but am having a hard time doing so. I just hit such a wall in my last sobriety when I felt like things would never move fluidly, no matter how much effort I put into making things work out. I've been trying to be more honest lately about my psych/ physiological issues, just like announcing you are an addict/ alcoholic in meetings, but I find that doing that just makes all the so-called "normal" people view you through a biased lens. All of a sudden, every traumatic thing that happens is because you are bi-polar, an addict, etc. I know that I sound like I am whining. It is not so much a whine, as a desperate cry for help. I truly want to find a thread to pull myself out of this harsh place, but I am getting so discouraged by the "mental health" aspect of it all. So many times, I have shown up with a hopeful face (and heart), ready to try again, only to crash again 6 months later. Thanks for listening.