Serenity Queen;
I have to totally 100% AGREE with you and the author of that article! I feel so much guilt about my mother (she's an alcoholic who lost her left leg due to diabetes) that I get diarreah (not to be gross), stomach aches, and headaches so much lately and I have always become sick when I have guilt and a lot of "unrest" in my life (I was a total mess when I asked my husband for a divorce and during the whole process I had a nervous breakdown and ended up in the hospital because I was so hooked on drugs and I was mentally disassociated. I spent 6 days there trying to detox off opiates and get my depression and anxiety disorders under control. I feel so guilty that I could not help my mom move July 1st because I fell on my back (I have severe spinal arthritis and 3 herniated disks), and cracked my head, so I was told to be on bed rest by my doctor for at least 4 days. I'm just starting to feel better now. I could not even call my mom, I had my dad tell her (and they are divorced!). My mother has a way of making me feel 2 inches tall, and she really knows what buttons to push! I am trying really hard to not feel guilty but its hard because the last time I spoke to her she blamed me for her having to live in a group home. She told me that I should not have moved an hour and a half away from her, I should be living with her and fully taking care of her. I tried to do that all last year (I lived with her part-time and had my own place that I shared with someone), but she drove me NUTS! She had me running all day and all night, plus I was working for some of that time, so all I had time to do was sleep for a little at night (she would be up ALL NIGHT drinking herself into a stupor, then she'd keep waking me up to tell me stupid things that were on TV or to yell at me and tell me I'm not doing enough for her), then I'd get up in the morning, fix her breakfast, go do chores (pay bills, do shopping, call agencies for her, etc), then make her lunch, then go to work for 1pm, get out at 6pm, make her dinner, do more running around (usually she'd have me buy her booze for her, if I refused, she would take the car away from me, as my car died and I could not afford to fix it, she would "let" me use hers as long as I complied with EVERYTHING she wanted me to do). Then after dinner and running around, I'd be in charge of making her drinks (she had me doing this most of the day too) and if I made them too weak, she'd have me add more booze or tell me that she would take the car away or not help me with bills and gas (as I didn't make much money and I had a lot of debt as well as needing A LOT of gas in that car to do all the running that she required me to do). It was H311!! I also had an abusive bf at home (where I stayed part-time) so I had another "slight" nervous breakdown and I packed up some stuff and ran away! I have NOT been back for more than an hour or so. I've been living with my new boyfriend (he's really not new, I was with him for 3 years before getting back together in February 2008) since Feb 08. I am a lot calmer, I sleep better, and I have lost quite a bit of weight since I can eat healthier down here. Mom was always sending out for greasy food when I stayed there. I have some more threads about my mother and my ex bf in "Family and Friends of Alcoholics" thread. So this guilt and health link is VERY TRUE and I'm trying to make myself healthy by "forgiving" myself for not being able to do as much as I used to for my mother. Thanks for sharing this with us Serenity, I needed to vent!
Love
Jaz
