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2oldforthis · 07-02-2008, 12:55 AM

Accidentally came across this site (searching for drug interactions) and I decided anonymous advice might be my best bet. Everyone used to tell me I looked young for my age...till about 6 months ago. I had my first drink when I was 12 (I should say drunk) and it's been pretty much a staple of my life for 33+ years.

My longest stretch of sober was when I was pregnant with my daughter when I was 19. I did, however, go to a bar then a house party on my 20th birthday, while pregnant (5 months) and got royally drunk and vomitted in someone's front yard. (Thank god for that.)

I was always a drinker, but not in an "abusing" way until my daughter left for college. (OK, I mean no one else noticed.) She is my best, and only (how pitiful) friend.

I was abused by my stepfather while my mother knew and did nothing until I was out of the house (kicked out the day after graduation from hs). About 3 months after a suicide attempt which landed me in the ICU for 4 days. Three months later she left him, too little, too late.

All this is complicated by my mother converting to Catholic to Jewish (for said stepfather) and back again. I went to Hebrew school every Sunday for 6 years (in our 100 per cent Catholic neighborhood). Then it was decided that me and my older sister should not have a bat mitsvah(sp?) while our 2 younger half siblings did. Ok, so about 2 years after that marriage, mom converts back, then 10 years later decides to become a catholic nun. (Calling us all to a dinner with the big announcement.)

This is my big, insurmountable problem with AA. Religion to me is all fake, what works for you whenever is what you'll follow. As an infant I was baptized Catholic, raised Jewish, and then told "well, I really always felt this way...you're an adult, choose your religion". Jesus Christ, trhey're all made up! Who has the "one" right way? And after all this, I question the whole concept of God or a "high power".

So to finally come to the point, I haven't spoken to my mother in 19 months. This after she got my husband, my daughter, and my sisters (in secret) to have a pre-intervention meeting. And her entire concern was based on the 2 ( yes 2) times she had seen me that year. You see, not only did she get relgion, she also go sober...I sincerely never knew it but she says she was a closet alcoholic for years.

My husband (of 25 years) could'nt keep the secret for but a few hours. My daughter, with whom I've always had a great relationship - correcting the errors of the past) was hysterical...she told me she didn't want to be there, hated what they (mom + siblings who saw me 1-5 times a year) were saying, and she would never stop talking to me, she loved me more than anything and would never abandon me.

So here I am, 2 AM, on the computer. Having a little drink because I went all day without one. So my question is, how do you stop?

07-02-2008, 12:55 AM	#1 (permalink)
2oldforthis Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 5	How do you stop? Accidentally came across this site (searching for drug interactions) and I decided anonymous advice might be my best bet. Everyone used to tell me I looked young for my age...till about 6 months ago. I had my first drink when I was 12 (I should say drunk) and it's been pretty much a staple of my life for 33+ years. My longest stretch of sober was when I was pregnant with my daughter when I was 19. I did, however, go to a bar then a house party on my 20th birthday, while pregnant (5 months) and got royally drunk and vomitted in someone's front yard. (Thank god for that.) I was always a drinker, but not in an "abusing" way until my daughter left for college. (OK, I mean no one else noticed.) She is my best, and only (how pitiful) friend. I was abused by my stepfather while my mother knew and did nothing until I was out of the house (kicked out the day after graduation from hs). About 3 months after a suicide attempt which landed me in the ICU for 4 days. Three months later she left him, too little, too late. All this is complicated by my mother converting to Catholic to Jewish (for said stepfather) and back again. I went to Hebrew school every Sunday for 6 years (in our 100 per cent Catholic neighborhood). Then it was decided that me and my older sister should not have a bat mitsvah(sp?) while our 2 younger half siblings did. Ok, so about 2 years after that marriage, mom converts back, then 10 years later decides to become a catholic nun. (Calling us all to a dinner with the big announcement.) This is my big, insurmountable problem with AA. Religion to me is all fake, what works for you whenever is what you'll follow. As an infant I was baptized Catholic, raised Jewish, and then told "well, I really always felt this way...you're an adult, choose your religion". Jesus Christ, trhey're all made up! Who has the "one" right way? And after all this, I question the whole concept of God or a "high power". So to finally come to the point, I haven't spoken to my mother in 19 months. This after she got my husband, my daughter, and my sisters (in secret) to have a pre-intervention meeting. And her entire concern was based on the 2 ( yes 2) times she had seen me that year. You see, not only did she get relgion, she also go sober...I sincerely never knew it but she says she was a closet alcoholic for years. My husband (of 25 years) could'nt keep the secret for but a few hours. My daughter, with whom I've always had a great relationship - correcting the errors of the past) was hysterical...she told me she didn't want to be there, hated what they (mom + siblings who saw me 1-5 times a year) were saying, and she would never stop talking to me, she loved me more than anything and would never abandon me. So here I am, 2 AM, on the computer. Having a little drink because I went all day without one. So my question is, how do you stop?