Kingston Welcome to SR! Glad that you found us and decided to stop
lurking!
Sorry that you are going through this right now...
As others have stated you are doing the right thing and it appears that
you have a plan for yourself. Which is what is important YOU!
I have found even when we remove the Alcohol sometimes
the behavior is still there...which yes can become frustrating and
make anyone angry and hurt. It is ok to feel those feelings…
While you stick to your plan remember that it is what you are doing for
YOU...
We cannot change them or anyone but we can stop allowing to do things for
them that are going to cause us harm-(Feelings of anger, hurt etc..)
This is not an easy thing to do detaching ourselves however in the
long run it is worth it to ourselves. When we begin to listen to that
voice inside and not ignore it, it gives us the answer we need for ourselves.
My brother has been drinking since he was 13 years of age....was sober
for 3 years in the past 38 years. When he lost his job (of 25 years), wife divorced him
and left state with the kids, went to jail (3 times), lost his license, the list goes on you get the idea....
My mom allowed him to stay in her home for close to 3 years-enabling
Him with a roof over his head food, he did not work, bought him a car
for when he got the license back, verbally abusing both my mom and step Dad-he continued to drink (hiding it)
and manipulating them and finally after all of us kids
kept trying to stay out of it best we could-dropping small hints of the enabling
she was doing-My Mom finally got it! Something
she needed to do on her own…she laid down the things he needed to do
in order to stay in there home and he did not abide by what she asked (which
really is not much to ask-get a job and contribute a little)
She has now banned him for the home-he got an apartment which
he is paying for by credit card cash advancement, not working, hanging
out with the wrong people-however it is his choice-He goes into
detox every 6 weeks then starts all over again with the drinking......
My mother see’s this pattern and is now understanding that there is nothing she can do....
except love him from a distance and pray for him.
It is a hard thing to do when we care deeply (codie thing
) however when we start
putting the focus more on ourselves and leave them to their business....
they either get it or they don't it is not up to us!
Wishing you well and keep us posted
Be gentle with yourself...
