Quote:
Originally Posted by kingston  ... He had this dream of being self employed - doing hypnosis, he has spent a lot of money and time trying to this...
...For almost a year now I have been the money maker....
...He has everything, a nice place to live, food, smokes, gas for his car, insurance, why get a job? ... |
I know it would be hugely tempting for me to never buckle down to a 9-5, face up to my share in the responsibilities of life etc if someone allowed me to do exactly what I want.
Quote:
Originally Posted by kingston ...why did it have to come to this? He's a great guy but so dam irresponsible. I've stopped myself from bugging him about getting a job, giving him leads, etc because it's my old behaviors coming back. I find myself slipping back into old codie ways.... |
Making someone face up to their responsibilities as an adult is not acting codie! It is setting a healthy boundary that ensures wellbeing and security. Don't fear setting up boundaries that protect your sanity!
Sounds like you have been fearful of making him accept his responsibilities because you wanted to be supportive to him and give him space to heal and do his own thing, very nice of you!
However, he has a responsibility toward you and your relationship to ensure he acts mature and contributes to your life! You have been carrying him, and he has loved every second of it! Part of recovery for an A is learning how to manage responsibility and deal with the stress they bring and still maintain sobriety! How can he do this when you are enabling him to remain foot loose and responsibility free?!
I am glad you have put your foot down and told him to buck up, he needs it IMHO! Hopefully he will take on the boundary with gusto! If not, well he will be on his own and having to get responsible anyway, because you won't be there to pick up his pieces anymore. I wonder if he will stay sober with that stress?
Aaaaahhhh, real life, why is it so hard for them to deal with, we all manage it!!!
Stand firm on this one!
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx