[hippyhippy]

Thank you for replies. I am sorry if I was too graphic for here.

My self harm is the one thing I have not told my pdoc about yet. I don't know if any of the mental health team have, he has never mentioned it before to me.
My fear is that he does not take me seriously, as I only have ever made superficial cuts, not getting through all layers of skin. Scratches basically. I think if I tell him and I tell him of my thoughts to up the SH, he will just say
'well....don't'.....
well I know I shouldn't do it!

Nadm, I will read the thread you are talking about. Thank you.

Letting my hubby know is not an option I favour. I think it is just similar to the pdoc....I don't want anyone being scathing at me and saying...."self harm???Poohey....they are just scratches" and just thinking I am just an attention seeker. I don't think I am doing it to gain attention, as I have kept them hidden up til now.

Teach. Thank you so much for your kindness. I feel honoured to have such care from on here.
You are right, this is more than a forum can deal with and I shouldn't have been placing on peoples shoulders.
I am just so very very confused just now. In a dark place, in a good place, in an anxious state, in a hide under the duvet state, in a jolly state.....all in the one day. When I am feeling bad, I either come one here or go to bed. Hubby thinks I am ok cos he only sees the ok side. He doesn't question why I go to bed for three hours in the middle of the day, or why I didsappear in my car for three hours......he has blinkers....if he pretends I am fine...I am fine.
Anyway....I have pdoc in two days. I will tell all then. Not that I hold out much hope for anything changing as I can't take my anti depressants as I am sick every time I try ( I have created a psychological barrier) and he is just going to be cross as I told him I would.
Thank you once again for your kindness. I don't know what I did to deserve online buddies such as yourselves.
Hippy
xxx