Lady,
God has promised to never leave us. I may stray away from Him and choose to do things my own way but He will never leave me. I can choose to live according to what my emotions tell me or decide to believe what God has to say about it.
".....for He Himself has said, 'I will never desert you, nor will I forsake you'.... " Hebrews 13:5
The context of this verse is a reminder to be watchful over our character and our choices. I can't think of a better verse for someone struggling with addiction.
What can you do? You can get involved in a program of recovery and become clean. You can read the bible, fellowship with other Christians and go to church to develop your spiritual life.
I hope you will keep posting here in this forum and also visit this forum for some support.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-step-support/