Hello!
I thought I would post this as we have a book club going on concerning Melody Beattie's Codependant no more also as a guide for those who are asking about codependancy issues. I haven't read the book, but it has been interesting reading what others have posted so far.
This is the most comprehensive guide to codependancy I have found on the web so far and comes from a thread on the site
ADDICTION TREATMENT SEARCH - Drug rehab and alcohol rehab treatment resource guide for drug and alcohol recovery, research, addiction treatment and rehabilitation.
The thread covers alot, from denial patterns to characteristics and future possible personality triats of a codependant. Here is the first part, I will post the others separately to make this an easier read!
''What is Codependency?
These patterns and characteristics are offered as a tool to aid in self evaluation. They may be particularly helpful to newcomers as they begin to understand codependency and may aid those who have been in recovery a while determining what traits still need attention and transformation.
Denial Patterns:
* I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling.
* I minimize, alter, or deny how I truly feel.
* I perceive myself as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well being of others.
Low Self Esteem Patterns:
* I have difficulty making decisions.
* I judge everything I think, say, or do harshly, as never "good enough."
* I am embarrassed to receive recognition and praise or gifts.
* I do not ask others to meet my needs or desires.
* I value other's approval of my thinking, feelings, and behaviors over my own.
* I do not perceive myself as a lovable or worthwhile person.
Compliance Patterns:
* I compromise my own values and integrity to avoid rejection or others' anger.
* I am very sensitive to how others are feeling and feel the same.
* I am extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.
* I value others' opinions and feelings more than my own and am often afraid to express differing opinions and feelings of my own.
* I put aside my own interests and hobbies in order to do what others want.
* I accept sex when I want love.
Control Patterns:
* I believe most other people are incapable of taking care of themselves.
* I attempt to convince others of what they "should" think and how they "truly" feel.
* I become resentful when others will not let me help them.
* I freely offer others advice and directions without being asked.
* I lavish gifts and favors on those I care about.
* I use sex to gain approval and acceptance.
* I have to be "needed" in order to have a relationship with others. ''
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx