Least, you're imagining drinking the wine, getting a lovely warm glow, relaxing, and being able to sleep. THINK ABOUT IT!!! That is no longer possible for us! You told me you liked what I wrote once, "It's not for us, not now, not ever." Others have the luxury of a few drinks, we don't. Yes, it sucks and yes, I wish it were otherwise. I'm struggling today, I struggled last night. I don't know why - it's not as if I haven't proven to myself over and over that I can't handle it and it can never be what it once was in my life. Remember the last time you relapsed and how horrible you felt - what the withdrawal was like. What if you don't make it back out this time? Please hold on, keep writing to us, we love you Least. You're still new at this sobriety thing - it does get easier, I promise. You need some sober time behind you. My weak moments come less frequently now - and someday they may be gone all together. I'm looking forward to that day.