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ananda · 06-18-2008, 09:23 PM

thank you tanya - I had suffered the consequences of my fathers actions as a child. When i got sober the first time, i actually didn't think it was a big deal...then i crashed and burned at 2.5 years. My sponsor and i talked and i kept saying i forgave him. She said how can you forgive him when you've always taken all the blame and never thought he was at fault....wow....

So began a long journey over the next 15 years. For me it was not a simple process and it required that i really understand the damage he had caused, and how that had affected me. Later i started to see how out of my damaged self I had then acted in ways that harmed myself and others. I still had not really thought that I had forgiven him until a number of years later the childhood abuse issues resurfaced in a way that was very damaging and dificult for both my father and I.....As our family came together to deal with the problem....I realized that I had forgiven my dad...we talked about it just one time at that point and it changed our relationship.

My father died 2 years ago June 7th. It was a very difficult time and i was drinking. I missed being with him at his death as i had gone into detox (it didn't take that time). through the last 2 years i have seen my mother truley suffer as she had not forgiven him all those years. I see how much forgiving eased my suffering.

At my fathers funeral I spoke about all the gifts he had given me, and they were numeouros. He was a good man who did some evil things. I called it "gifts my father gave me". In the end I said that the greatest gift my father gave me was the gift of forgiving and being forgiven...for those harms wether real or imagined. And I believe that is true.

Sorry if i sorta went on too much in your thread Tanya....I've just really been thinking about the forgiving part of ammends. I'm not even sure how exactly the BB discusses this...just knw how it worked in my life. I wish my father had lived to see me return to sobriety again.

Thanks.

06-18-2008, 09:23 PM	#2 (permalink)
ananda Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 11,908 Blog Entries: 1	thank you tanya - I had suffered the consequences of my fathers actions as a child. When i got sober the first time, i actually didn't think it was a big deal...then i crashed and burned at 2.5 years. My sponsor and i talked and i kept saying i forgave him. She said how can you forgive him when you've always taken all the blame and never thought he was at fault....wow.... So began a long journey over the next 15 years. For me it was not a simple process and it required that i really understand the damage he had caused, and how that had affected me. Later i started to see how out of my damaged self I had then acted in ways that harmed myself and others. I still had not really thought that I had forgiven him until a number of years later the childhood abuse issues resurfaced in a way that was very damaging and dificult for both my father and I.....As our family came together to deal with the problem....I realized that I had forgiven my dad...we talked about it just one time at that point and it changed our relationship. My father died 2 years ago June 7th. It was a very difficult time and i was drinking. I missed being with him at his death as i had gone into detox (it didn't take that time). through the last 2 years i have seen my mother truley suffer as she had not forgiven him all those years. I see how much forgiving eased my suffering. At my fathers funeral I spoke about all the gifts he had given me, and they were numeouros. He was a good man who did some evil things. I called it "gifts my father gave me". In the end I said that the greatest gift my father gave me was the gift of forgiving and being forgiven...for those harms wether real or imagined. And I believe that is true. Sorry if i sorta went on too much in your thread Tanya....I've just really been thinking about the forgiving part of ammends. I'm not even sure how exactly the BB discusses this...just knw how it worked in my life. I wish my father had lived to see me return to sobriety again. Thanks.