[RufusACanal]

Resentments are those nasty, angry and self indulgent feelings that live like bathroom mold in the nocks and crannies of our lives. Psychologists have a million clinical names for the same old story; anger individually packaged and wrapped for reuse.

While working the Fifth Step some years ago, my then Sponsor mentioned that I was one of the angriest persons he had met. He went on to say that anger and resentment would most likely kill me faster than booze. (Of course at the time I thought he was an a**hole for saying the words, let alone speaking to me in such a tone.) Why was I so angry? Why did I always have a readymade excuse to be angry? The answer today is relatively simple. I lived in fear! I was scared of everything. If I was not admittedly scared of it, I bullied it or conned it. Resentments were basically self justified fears made into what I believed to be secure excuses for my past, current or future behavior. "Wouldn't you be mad if this happened to you?"

So how does anger and that renewable resource; resentment, kill? The best analogy for me is the nurturing and growing of a plant. Without proper light, air and food, a plant will slowly die. Introduction of extremes or poisons will break down the natural defenses and the plant will succumb to any number of tragic ends and die.

Resentments are like a slow acting poison bombarding the personhood of those who jealously harbor them. Just like a plant, our nature defenses of common sense and intellect fall away under the constant attacks and the sick emotions take control. When a resentment is fortified with the word RIGHT, we are doomed to relive it over and over again. Being RIGHT dooms more people than any earthly disaster.

How do I begin to defeat resentments on a daily basis? I learn to accept others as they are. I learn to forgive others immediately. I treat others as I would like to be treated. I no longer do it alone. I surrender to a power greater than myself, God, whom lovingly calls me his son. I desired the combined experience, strength and hope of others to see clear the path to sanity. Many of my resentments were based in tragic fact, yet no resentment is exempt. I had to break down the emotional lies of RIGHT and the so-called prudent justifications of my life to get to the bottom of how I was so completely powerlessness and unmanageable.

Reprinted and edited