Originally Posted by
jimhere 
There is no recovery and the rest of my life; It is about the whole of my life.
Welcome back to SR, jjaaam. When my eyes open in the morning of each new day, I am again experiencing the gift of continued life made possible by a loving God, not by my will, nor by my power.. This new life is not the old life and in order to experience this gift fully; recovery will not fit neatly into any conception of life I might create. Recovery based in the guidance of a power greater than self is not a component of daily living, but rather the firm foundation from which every decision, activity, every function of life must spring. We do not fit successful recovery into our new life, it is our new life from breath to breath.
It was not that many years ago, when I once again made the conscious decision to return to the first drink. Before I took that first drink, I was irritable and discontent; life was not moving according to my wishes. In short order, I sacrificed everything tangible in my life as I was wont to do on each new adventure with my old friend beverage Alcohol. As the money dwindled down to nothing, I found myself in a desolate, wooded area on the banks of the Wabash River with only the clothes on my back, a pocket knife and a bag of slowly melting ice, a plastic cup and two plastic half gallons of Vodka. I remember cutting a number of leafy limbs to make a day bed for my lounging purposes facing the flowing river and I nestled the Vodka in a dirt pit with the remaining ice packed around it as my refrigerator; this was the sum of my world. Again the thoughts of death returned; I was the king of nothing except the next drink.
The one true reason I returned to drinking in the above description was that I was unable to fashion life in recovery my way, under my own power. I refused to acknowledge the unmanageability of my old life and I failed to change that deficit with what little power I might have thought that I possessed. I had once again insanely attempted to fit recovery into my life, by my own power; I missed the lesson again.
What true concerns do I really have today in this new life when matched against the experience of my old life? You see jjaaam, by my own power, I failed miserably to fashion a life of freedom. I am not like other men and women, I am an Alcoholic and my ability to manage life successfully the old way is gone. When I attempt to fit my conception of recovery around life, I fail.
While you are looking for that mythical balance we all vainly attempt to find via our own power in earlier recovery, maybe you can pause for a few moments in your hectic life and a begin a daily gratitude list followed by prayer. Seek the answers from a power greater than yourself. Allow your new life to be rooted in the strength of God’s possibilities and not yours. Be open to change and grateful for the opportunity.
By the way, how long would you have that hectic work schedule if you kept drinking? How long would you have your family if you kept drinking? How long will you have anything if you keep doing it your way?
If I can help, please PM. Best to you.