[nandm]

It is unfortunate that there are not many assisted living facilities that are geared toward medicare rather than private pay. I was a resident service manager for one for 3 years that was set up for medicare. It was a struggle to keep the doors open because the money is not there to run them without private pay residents. My daughter still works there as a med aid. She loves her job. We had many residents with mental health issues and because they did not have ways other than a microwave to cook in their rooms we did not have to worry too much about them burning the place down fortunately.

After having worked around elderly people with mental and physical health issues my mind seems to automatically assess whether there might be manipulation behind their actions. It is not uncommon for families to be torn by guilt and fear because the person uses that to get their way. It is heartbreaking to watch families members trying to juggle their lives around helping their elderly relative and still all the while feeling like they are not doing enough. When in fact they have done all they can and more. I have often referred family members to Codependents Anonymous because it can be very useful to them to learn to separate the person from the disease and in the process meet their own needs without feeling the guilt and shame. Hang in there, you are doing a better job at all of this than you realize.