Please don't cut. I have a son that went through that. I wish I could just give you a hug. And yes please keep writing down how you feel, let the pain out. If you have people you can be with that will help go be with them and talk it thru. 
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"The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly." Buddha |