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Oh Sweetie, I remember reading your initial post and just waiting for the "other shoe to drop" because of that recovery-house relationship taking the focus off your sobriety. Now it has, but that's ok. Relapse is part of many successful recoveries, and it can be part of yours, too. Do you want to stop drinking? Do you have the desire? It sounds as though you might be questioning your motivation to get sober since you are saying that the drink did help you last night. I'm going to make a suggestion, the only thing that worked for me when I didn't even want to get sober was to pray to my higher power to remove the desire to use. It's the only thing that ever got me to stop. Willpower or rationing never worked for me, it was my higher power. Hope this helps, now give yourself a break, don't waste time beating yourself up, just admit what you did at least to your sponsor if it won't get you kicked out of the house, make amends if you can for damage you did or trust that you broke by drinking, and move on. And get to a meeting if they let you! We love you unconditionally here.
kj
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