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Originally Posted by toad  My experience is that until I learned to live with myself, I was no good for anybody else......Just my experience. |
The relationships I went through, lost, suffered over, inventoried and studied on prepared me to be in the marriage I have now. Part of it was learning to live with (and love) myself, without the distractions of boy/girl love and romance. It seems to have worked, for Jackie has outlasted two previous marriages, and every live-in girlfriend I ever had. Only my HP and my shovel have stayed with me longer!
One caveat, Jimmy: when my ex left to pursue her drug of choice, and took my step-daughter with her, it almost killed me. I was living a long-distance call from town, in total isolation from the fellowship. I would go to work, hit a 5:30 meeting on the way out of town, hurry home and fight the roaches for my dinner, crash, and get up and do it again the next day.
I had reached a point where I was wondering what kind of pattern my brains would make on the walls of my bedroom when, out of the blue, a program friend called to ask me a question about her motorcycle. I wasn't sitting there with a gun in my hand, or anything dramatic like that. I was just thinking dark thoughts, but who knows where they might have led?
That call was Grace of God, I'm here to tell you. My friend had no idea until years later how important that casual conversation was to this suffering alkie. It broke the spell I'd fallen under, got me off my butt, and back into some semblance of sanity.
First thing I did was clean out all the crap my ex had left lying around - her discarded clothing, my step-daughter's broken toys, all the constant reminders of what was gone from my life. Then I started making time after meetings to fellowship. Later, I moved into town, and got a house just blocks from the meeting hall, and made sure
everyone knew where I lived. That way, they could drop by anytime, day or night, and keep me from isolating again.
The work I had to do after that, to establish the "right ideal" for my next healthy relationship (
Alcoholics Anonymous, pg. 69) is a whole 'nother post. Probably a whole 'nother thread! I just wanted to share my E, S & H about isolating.
Love you, brother. Prayers still flyin'.