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Originally Posted by SS234  It's hard for me to believe that he can never care about someone though . . . . |
I understand this and your situation is different that mine in that your RA is just that...in recovery..so I can't really say for sure but I do know that I still have a slight problem with it. It's impossible to figure out.
Maybe if you just set boundries...which is something I did half heartedly in the beginning..because I didn't realize that everything that came out of his mouth was lie..."I love you" "she's Just a friend" "I can talk to her about anything" She is amazing" I want time to see if I miss you" So confusing. I now know that he was keeping me around in case it didn't work out with her. Of course he said this was the dumbest thing I had ever said.
When I got "smarter" I told him I thought it was wrong for him to be living with someone else, telling her he loved her and still wanting to talk to me...I have not talked to him since. But he sure tried to contact me...I just quit answering his calls. I had to stand strong though and it was hard. Maybe since your A is in recovery his brain works differently that someone who is active and you may be able to set boundries that actually mean something to him. And you will probably have to go No CONTACT.
Another poster above mentioned commitment-phobia...could this be possible? I wonder what his reason for getting divorced was before. two years is not a long time to be married in the grand scheme of things...I don't think that people NEVER care about others. I just think some people get scared or confused in their own life and if we are there we get the brunt of that. And In my experience...it's usually the ones closest to them that gets hurt the most. I think my x did everything he could to make me hate him...he told me it would be easier if I hated him!
I hope you find some peace over this. Please hang around here and ask questions. I know its hard and confusing but at least you are aware of the fact that he is being disrespectful. Looks like your eyes are open!