Thanks CarolD and Slowbriety - I like just cutting to the chase : )
I guess I thought I was maybe more than an occasional sex partner since he once came back to try to have a committed relationship.
And yes, I do have an Ego which is probably why this is taking me a bit of time to get over.
This helped a lot from above: "this past one has showed me that its better to let my higher power handle it from the start and no matter what, just stay on that path." The negative really does outweigh the good . . .
On a side note - I don't think women can "have someone on the side" as easily as men