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I agree it is very personal. I also know that my AH struggles with self-destructive behaviors, self-doubt, self-loathing, guilt and a host of other condemning feelings. I'm pretty sure he's asking for forgiveness when he takes communion. He's just been told by his mother that he can't take it or isn't worthy.
And just today, she told me she doesn't know her son anymore. He's not the same person she raised. She's 67 and he's 48. He is exactly what she raised him to be. The person she thinks she knew was an object of her imagination, a trained son forced to jump through hoops to represent her in all her shining glory. She epitomizes the stereotypical Baptist in that she had a whole lot going on behind closed doors when her children were young that equated to abuse, yet she's super involved in the church. All her rules didn't work for herself. She's miserable. But all her rules have made those around her out of their mind. Nobody can live up to her expectations, not even herself. BTW, did I mention her dad was a raging alcoholic?
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